


the meaning of certain actions

by IronSwordStarShield (SweetFanfics)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), M/M, Missing Scene, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-13 23:57:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20591261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetFanfics/pseuds/IronSwordStarShield
Summary: Anonymous asked for: can I request stevetony pining and love confessions sometime during A4 with a happy ending? I loved 'with your reassurance' btw, would love to read more of what you had planned for that if you want to write it





	the meaning of certain actions

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [with your reassurance](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19465687) by [IronSwordStarShield (SweetFanfics)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetFanfics/pseuds/IronSwordStarShield). 

> Please read with your reassurance before you read this!

_This feels like familiar ground_, Steve wonders as he watches Tony stack the dirty dishes together. They’ve just finished a large team meal and everyone’s gone off to relax and do whatever, leaving Steve and Tony, who’s turn it is to clean up and do the dishes, alone in the dining room. 

Tomorrow's the big day. They're going to put their plan into motion. They’ll wear their new suits, slip the Pym particles into place, set their GPS devices to the pre-determined years, get the stones, and change the world again. No, they’ll set things _right_. 

Steve isn’t experiencing the usual pre-mission jitters. He’s experiencing a whole new kind of anxiety because Tony’s here and there’s still so much unsaid between them. And there's also the fact that he can't believe Tony's _here_. 

As Steve collects all the used cutlery, he keeps glancing up at Tony, for no other reason beyond that he can. It feels like a dream, seeing Tony back in the compound. He’s obviously not the man he was before, as evidenced by the new lines on his handsome face and his salt and pepper beard. If Tony looked distinguished before, now he just looks…

Steve’s yanked out of his thoughts when Tony teasingly asks, “What’re you looking at?”

His mouth runs away from his brain, cackling merrily. “Your beard.”

“What about my beard?” Tony asks as he carries _all _the dirty plates to the dishwasher and starts racking them up.

Hurrying forward with two fistfulls of forks and knives, Steve answers, “Nothing. I just. I uh… I don’t remember there being that much white in there before.” 

He wants to bang his head into the counter because seriously? _Seriously_? What the hell is his mouth doing? That’s almost insulting! Shoulders up to his ears and cheeks hot, Steve steals a peek at Tony, who is chuckling warmly. “Yeah. Like I said before, personal grooming takes a back seat when you’ve got a kid.” He strokes the Van Dyke with a wicked grin. “It still looks good though, even with the white.”

“It does,” Steve answers, helplessly drawn to Tony. He could be 26 and fresh out of the ice again honestly, given how much his heart yearns for this man. There’s just so much longing rattling around inside of Steve, he doesn’t know what to do with it. He wants to tell Tony he still loves him, still wants him. But he can’t. Steve _can’t _do that to Tony, Morgan, Pepper. He won’t be that selfish, not again. So instead he’s left cradling his bleeding heart in his hands, hoping… hoping… God. Steve doesn’t even know what he wants anymore. 

It’s that _kiss_. _That kiss _that Tony’d laid on him before they'd left… what was it supposed to mean? Did it even mean anything? Was it meant to be comforting? Or had Tony meant it to be more? These are questions Steve needs answers too but he’s too scared to ask them. Because what if it _was _just comfort. What if it _was _just Tony being kind? Steve’s not sure if his bruised heart will be able to take that.

So instead here is he, standing close but not close enough to the man he loves, the man he let slip away, aching to touch him and daring not to hope that maybe the kiss meant something more. He licks his lips and says in a rough voice, “You do. Look good.”

The teasing glint fades from Tony’s eyes, replaced with a curiosity that has Steve swallowing and turning his attention down to the forks he should be cleaning up. There’s also the empty bowls and place mats, and someone should wipe the table down too. And Steve’s pretty sure they’ll have to sweep the floor clean too because at one point Clint’d thrown some peas at Tony and Steve’s dead certain a couple of those green balls must have rolled off into a corner of the room.

Forcing his attention away to the tasks at hand don’t help him forget that Tony’s still staring at him, rather intensely at that. Steve’s too aware of how the nonchalance Tony is affecting is deliberate. It’s veering into flirtatious when Tony leans back against the closed dishwasher and asks, “Do you really think so?”

Steve shoots Tony a pained look, not sure what’s happening, why it’s happening, or what he’s done to deserve this torture. Silently he pleads for forgiveness and mercy from Pepper. Tony’s dark eyes hold him hostage for a long few seconds before Tony blinks and looks away. Steve exhales, touching his chest in relief. But then his breath gets yanked out of his body when he feels Tony’s touch on his elbow.

Startling, Steve looks down at Tony, mouth open in shock. His heart races in anticipation even as his stomach twists in worry. There’s too much going on thanks to the complete lack of information and Steve’s going to lose his fucking mind because of it. It doesn’t help that Steve sees the same uncertain storm raging inside of Tony as well. His brown eyes peer up at him in askance, asking a question that Steve doesn’t know. So all Steve can do is stare back and wait for Tony to _say it_.

But there’s nothing. But Tony staring at him, helplessness growing as he tries and fails a few times to say whatever it is he wants to say. Ultimately, he gives up with a tired sigh and Steve feels relieved and disappointed at the same time. But then Tony tips forward. Forehead pressing into Steve’s shirt. Steve’s fingers twitch, wanting to rise up and touch Tony’s back, to hold him in place, to sink into his dark hair.

“Despite everything that’s happened,” Tony whispers, “I still care too damn much about you, Steve. And if you keep looking at me like that… I don’t know what I’ll do.”

Steve closes his eyes, overwhelmed by the scale of the confession. He gives in, raising his arms to hug and hold Tony against him. But as soon as his fingers touch Tony’s arms, the man twitches half a step away from him. Steve manages to grab onto Tony’s wrist, fearing that if he lets Tony walk away then they’ll be back in limbo, the way they were for the seven years before this mission.

“I care about you too,” Steve whispers back, hating the way his voice shakes and his eyes burn. “I never stopped caring about your. It scares me how much I-” He inhales shakily and it helps; it steadies his voice when he continues, “The problem wasn’t ever that I didn’t care enough. I always cared too much and that… that made me make some really shitty choices that hurt you. And I’m _so sorry _about that. I… I never meant to hurt you but I did and… I’m sorry. I can’t say that enough.”

Tony looks gobsmacked. He stares and stares and stares at Steve, lips parted in surprise. He looks too pale under the kitchen lights, making his dark eyes stand out all the more. There’s so much shock in Tony’s eyes as he watches Steve, asking, “You… even after all these years?”

Steve helplessly shrugs because yeah. Tony rubs his free hand over his face and sighs tiredly. “Of all the times…” He looks up, surprise pushed aside to make way for stern determination. “Tomorrow. After we’ve unsnapped Thanos’ decision. We’ll talk.”

Oh the _hope _that swells in him; it runs deeper than the Marinas Trench. It’s dangerous to hope at this point. Either of them could die tomorrow. It’s a cost Steve’s ready to pay if it means restoring the balance in the universe. But… this is also reason to _live_. And Steve hasn’t had that for five years now.

So he smiles and nods. “We’ll talk,” he echoes. 


End file.
